I have a friend's phone number. When I think enough time has passed, I give her a call and she says, "ok, how about you come in next Thursday." Guānxì 关系, relationships, are quite key here.
When we go to her hospital, our good friend who always accompanies us, walks straight past about 50 woman standing in line. She walks right into the x-ray room and announces that we've arrived. The doctor tells us to sit down and within about 5 minutes I'm laying down on the bed (while about 8-10 nurses, technicians and others curiously watch me) and looking at our little baby on the screen. Guānxì.
When all is done, she takes me into her office and we talk about the results for a few minutes and then life for another couple of minutes.
Last time I called her, she told me to wait. Ok, no problem. I can wait. But then I started to over think / worry. I've only really been for a proper check-up (with all the extra bits) once when I was 12 weeks pregnant. A lot of time has passed. I'm 31 weeks pregnant (I think) and I've had various scans thanks to our great friend, but I've only had my blood pressure, weight, and other things done once.
What if I have high blood pressure? What if I have protein in my urine? The questions went on in my mind.
When I heard that I should be getting check-ups every 2 weeks... well, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
I announced to our Chinese friend that I wanted to go to the doctor. I got there and they asked me what I wanted to do. Ahh. I don't know, just a regular check-up? Apparently normal check-ups happen on week 30 and 32. I'm in week 31. They asked me if I wanted some blood work done (that's normally done in week 28). My Chinese friend said that I didn't. The doctor looked at me. I tried to figure out what tests she meant. I had no idea if I wanted them or not. We called the Chinese doctor friend, who asked why I went in now. Complicated, no?
I'll wait until next week and then will go to her office and I'll get the blood work that's needed for 32 weeks.
So they took my blood pressure. They weighed me. They measured my bump and I heard baby's heartbeat. AND about 2 people commented on how thin I am?!? Let's just say it was a confusing afternoon (I usually hear that I'm quite round / big and generally my size is a huge conversational point) and I was lost in what I should get, what I wanted, etc.
My problem, I've been going to two different hospitals, without a schedule. And with doctors and friends here saying "just wait," "it's fine," the normal schedule just hasn't applied to me?! Just to clarify, I don't quite like that. I'm wanting to deliver at a third hospital (I'm being told I shouldn't do that and save the hassle of going to a different city to an international hospital and go for the local one.)
My reasons for wanting to go to an international hospital are:
- English will be used and understood. In critical moments of pain, I don't really want to be lost in translation.
- Luke will be allowed in the room with me. Local hospitals don't permit men (or anyone!) to come in with you.
- I've heard of a
German (I think)Dutch woman who delivered her baby in this city and it was a terrible experience (c-section without pain medicine, husband not allowed in room, screaming with pain...etc.) Yes, it was a mistake and I'm sure everything would be fine if we had it here... But still. It would be the same hospital. Heather, your thoughts? - There are just some things that I don't want to argue about. What if they won't let me have our little baby on me after he's born and want to take him away to do tests, etc. I don't want to have to fight for what may go against their cultural ways of doing things. I think after giving birth, I might just not have that much fight left in me!
- I've asked my friends here what their birthing experiences were like. Birthing experiences? They replied! "We had a baby. It wasn't about it being good or bad, we had a baby." Call me crazy, but I want to have a good birthing experience. I want to enjoy the room, labour (as much as one can!) doctors, etc. They were left in rooms to labour (without anyone at their side) and the doctor would come and check on them. They left with bundles of joy, but they wouldn't classify the experience as "good."
- We've had insurance for almost 2 years and have never made a claim. This is our big moment:)
Maybe all of that makes sense.
- Renting an apartment somewhere else for a month
- Moving to a new place
- Not having her at the scene to take us to the hospital and take care of our little guy when everything kicks off
- The costs implied (the apartment, etc.) She understands insurance will pay for the hospital costs, but she things it's more cost effective (and it probably would be) to give birth locally.
- The hassle involved with extra distances in an extra big city.
Sometimes things just are a bit more difficult living in a different culture. Obviously, most people along the way are just trying to help me (I'm so thankful for all our friends) but somehow today I made a muddle:)
I needed to write all of that down and to clear my mind.
Love to you all.
4 comments:
My thoughts are that you are doing the right thing, whatever your choice is, because you have obviously put a lot of thought into this! :)
That said, if you told me you were going to deliver at that hospital, I would tell you that my friend (She's Danish, actually, but close enough!) and I both thought that her delivery at that hospital would be just fine. ("They deliver babies all the time! What could go wrong? Childbirth is natural!" These are the things we said to each other.) And it wasn't. And although I am sure lots of women have delivered there with no bad experiences, I just couldn't recommend it. Your birth experience should be exactly how you want it to be and it looks like going to an international hospital is the place where that can happen.
Thanks Heather:) I've been quite happy about going to BJU, but then, I've a friend who feels very committed to convincing us otherwise. Ends in me getting a bit frusterated when she doesn't understand:) And because culturally, she's just showing that she cares (and it would just not cross her mind to say "do what you think is right..") I don't want to get too upset. Actually looking forward to living over in your area for a while. Thanks for your thoughts:)
I can say as someone who delivered at BJU that it was well worth it. I didn't want to have a baby in a new country and not understand what was going on. The experience was amazing and they were so understanding and flexible with what I wanted. I would highly recommend it. I know that it is a lot of extra work for finding a place to stay, food, what to do with your little one, etc. but it was well worth it, in my opinion. The 2nd child we will deliver in our city of Shenyang because we found a hospital that will allow our foreign doctor to be there. Part of the reason we wanted a place we felt comfortable is because Chinese doctors push for c-sections often when not necessary. I would be more than willing to answer any questions you had about BJU and visits and what not since we have done both in China. I wish you lots of luck.
Thanks Emily:) I think those are some of the exact reasons we want to go there too! Loved your blog. Good to know that you've had a good experience. Seems like most people who've had their babies there have had good experiences. All very reasurring! Now just to sort out a few more details.. haha! I'll let you know if I have any questions. Hope your own prep goes well. When's your due-date?
Post a Comment