I like the feeling when I get to the end of the week and I can think through intentional conversations, activities with people I've been a part of and things that I tried and gave things a go. The kids have been generally happy, which is also a blessing! The week's not over, but being intentional just feels good. Being intentional is not natural, it gets me out of my comfort zone and it goes beyond my perspective. It doesn't always feel good in the moment:)
As busy as I am with things, there I was trying to get woman together for crafts. I had my oven on top of my stroller, oil and a mixer in the main compartment and I was walking up to people asking if they wanted to join us, trying to not mind that the woman who said "she would be there" wasn't. It's not like people were running through the doors to join in. But how will we ever know about what works or not if we don't try. What good are thoughts for a community center if I'm not prepared to intentionally give it a go and see what happens. We progressed to baking this week. The man who is letting us be in they space was trying to help us not lose face. We didn't really have a crowd:)
The concept of "face" exists in relationships here. People say things for the other person's benefit. They will give gifts, flatter and try to not allow a person to be shamed. It seemed that in his eyes I was about to lose face. We had some interesting conversations. In the end, we had a fine crowd. It wasn't a big one, but the people that came were happy to eat some cupcakes and asked if we can make cookies next week. We had some interesting conversations. Friends save friends "face" in this culture.
I talked to one woman and she said that she was sorry she missed it and hadn't understood my text messages. I think in hindsight I should have said, "oh I'm sorry and I will keep working on my Chinese." But I said, "I did talk on the phone about it." Face to them. A bit of a mistruth to me. I dislike lies and excuses. I'm trying to teach integrity to my sons and we insistent on it even in the small things. I don't need "face." I do need integrity.
Face is being polite so although it's won sometimes by giving gifts, it's also the balance of people politely declining things.
A friend got married a while ago. I offered to make her a wedding cake. I asked three times, which is usually the number of times to ask in order to find out someone's real answer. She said no. I consulted with a Chinese friend. I asked her what went on. She told me that the person was being polite and even if I had asked five times, she would have still said, "no," even though she might have wanted it. My friend said that if it was her, she would have really, really wanted it, but would have still said "no," because of face and politeness.
I have a friend getting married today. She's not Chinese so she doesn't have the need to preserve "face." So she can actually tell me what she wants the first time around! I asked her if she wanted a cake last night (it was a last minute crazy idea.) She said, "that would be nice." So time to go frost the cakes:) After the wedding we will be going to another kid's home for the afternoon, so it's a full day ahead.
Have a great day. Thanks for stopping by and reading.
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