Empty Threats

I hear so many empty threats in this culture.  I'm not a fan.

Kids hear these things all day:

• You will fall if you walk there.
• I won't like you if you do that.
• I'll hit you if you keep doing that.  
• His nose is cuter than yours.  Her skin is whiter than yours.  He's taller... bigger... better behaved, than YOU.  
• I'm going to take your brother home with me.  Your Mom doesn't want you.
• I want your baby.  I'm going to take him. (ok, maybe most kids don't hear that one.. just me!)

Culturally they are just normal parts of speech.  They love their kids.  But they say these ugly things.

We try to teach our kids that we need to say the truth.  Do what we mean.  Say what we mean.  And stick to it.  We drill into them that we "will follow through."  So if they are aware of what the limit is and cross it, well then, they will receive a consequence that was already mentioned.  We mess up.  We say sorry.  We don't get it right, but then we try again.

My little man is great.  He always has something to say, something to ask, deep questions to ponder and a heart for justice.  He is also high energy and he likes to process through things.  He hates it when people say they want to take his baby brother home..  I love that about him.

He doesn't like his preschool.  He goes almost half the hours other kids go for (their days are LONG) but he still doesn't want to go.  He has "friends."  His best friend is JH (I get corrected half the time on how to say his name so I will initial it) AKA the shoe thrower.  Together my little man and JH threw shoes around the room at nap time the other week.  His teacher filled me in on that.  So my DH and I have had a good talk about not only doing the
right thing at home in our family but everywhere.  We are trying to stress the importance of honoring and respecting other people.  I think one day it will stick:)

Most kids here take things at face value.  Kids are taught to "fear" their teachers and not rock the boat.  My little man is a boat rocker.   

His teachers try to make points in indirect (ugly) ways.  JH is a year and a half older than my little man and maybe he isn't always a great influence on my little one.  So his teacher told him not to be friends with  JH.  And tells him that she doesn't like him.  But I think he's a fun kid.  Kinda crazy, but fun.  I go once a week to read books in English to the kids (last week there were like 35 kids in one class "listening" - well... the kind of listening that includes about a million distractions and kids talking, and even my toddler not sitting down and my little man excitedly anticipating the words on the page and jumping up to come and tell me them).  But JH listens, is happy to see me and yes, jumps on my little man and spins him in circles.  I can see WHY my little man likes to be friends with him:)

Today my little man told JH that his mom doesn't allow him to throw shoes and that they shouldn't do that and a few other things that may have been real words or otherwise words that I don't navigate in Chinese.  PROGRESS.  

He told me today that the teacher told him if he didn't sleep at nap time I "wouldn't like him." it probably got him quite upset.  I reassured him that whether he sleeps or not (but yes, please sleep) I love him and like him.  I asked him if my love is conditional or unconditional and he said "unconditional."  So we're on the same page.  Just need to get the teachers there.  One. Step. At. A. Time.  They do an amazing job.  And they are very flexible and understanding towards my little man.  Grace.  

 I'm sure he probably told them they were lying to them and rather than getting him to sleep,

I'm trying to find grace and wisdom!  And I'm joking more with the grandmas and reminding them that I love my babies and I don't want to GIVE THEM AWAY!   And that a nose is just a nose and that my baby's nose isn't any better than their baby's nose.  When I remind them that some of those "he is more and she is more" comments may have brought hurt into their life when they were young they seem to Think about what they are saying to their own young ones.  Some interesting conversations have resulted.  And fewer people are asking to take my baby home these days or picking fights with my little man:)  

Thanks for stopping by and reading.