Responding to constant attention

I love that my kids are different.  They like different food, they have different personalities and a big one, they differ on how they respond to local attention.  

My little man is wonderful.  He's clever, helpful, creative and determined.  He is a communicator and will tell you how he's feeling.  He's a deep thinker and has strong opinions.  He knows many flags and countries and has a real thirst to learn (he's always asking WHY, how to "say this in Spanish" or other languages, and likes tracing his letters.)

My toddler loves attention, loves to do things HIS way, is pretty easy-going and loves his brother.  His favorite word is that and loves to point his way through life.  He doesn't really mind when people want to POKE him (because they want to see how much muscle/fat he has) or lift him up (to see how much he weighs) or stroke him on the head.

BUT

My little man STRONGLY DISLIKES when people touch him, look at him (I know, that one's a problem!), or talk to him while he's eating or in the middle of playing.  When people ask me if they can take a picture of him, I tell them to "ask him.  If he says yes, no problem, but if he says, no then sorry, it's no."  If it's a stranger that has a cell phone ready to take a photo, there's about a 90% chance that he'll say no.  He does let people he knows and like take photos of him (usually).  Since it's such a regular occurrence, I want him to be able to decide and respond for himself.  It's one way to help him navigate growing up in a different culture and be in control of something.

Situations that cause my little man distress:

1) Touching Him. Someone today came over to him while he was playing and stroked his head.  And then tried to have a conversation with my just turned four year old.  It went like this "Tell me how old you are." Him, "I'm no going to tell you."  "Just tell me how old you are." Him, "Leave me alone."  Her, "Do you always have a bad temper and are you always in a bad mood." Me, "He's four years old.  It's just he doesn't really like when people touch him."  Her, "Oh."  No apology, no real understanding that he was busy and just didn't want to converse with an adult at that point.   Or that maybe she doesn't need to tell him that he's in a rotten mood.  Ideally, I think she imagined he would talk to her, let her take a few photos, give her all of his attention and then maybe give her a hug when we left.  Not quite realistic for my little man:)   

2) We went out today and I left him with his toys on a table (for about 90 seconds and was only a few meters away). BUT when I wasn't right there, a mom with her son came over and started saying, "oh look, it's a foreigner."  "Say hi to the little foreigner."  He was very quick to say, "I don't want to talk to you."  Ideally not the best way to manage the interaction, but he's communicating what he feels.  She looked at me and saw me looking at her and she quickly moved away.  Once I arrived back, they moved to the neighboring table next to us.  She continued to say, "Say hi to him, ohh look at him, etc."  He gets rather upset about the constant attention so I just tried to get him to concentrate on his task at hand, eating.  I think in her ideal world, we would have stopped eating to engage with them by saying, "hello, having her small child practice a few English phrases out on our son, give her all of our attention, etc."  Not quite realistic:)  

3) Yesterday when we went out he wanted an ice-cream cone.  There was a very long line and I had to tell him that we couldn't wait in it.  He was upset and when we were walking down the street, we attracted more than the usual looks.  I had people telling me what to do, talking to him, etc.  He was embarrassed that he was crying and upset that he didn't get what he wanted so he responded by telling everyone that was talking to him or giving him extra looks that they were naughty.  I think he responds out of his fear and his inability to control the situations.  Not OK, but really hard to control his responses.  

3) My kids were hanging out and jumping on a trampoline with others.  On average we attract about 10 adults and their kids hovering around watching us.  Many times people like to engage my little ones in conversation.  Ohh if only I had the perfect responses for each situation.  Maybe it seems easy, but it's not.  It's quite trying to watch my little man get upset with the attention or to have people talk "about me" while I'm right there and can understand everything they say.  

I find it difficult as a mom to know how to navigate these situations.

We talk it through with our little man and he'll say things like, "I don't want people to look at me."  I explain how difficult it would be for people to NOT look at him.  Or how he doesn't have to talk to people, but that he can't be rude.  We tell him that people are only being friendly and that they just want to say hi to him,  He's working on being friendly (and when he wants to he'll wave, say hello and engage in random conversations with people) and we're trying to do reward systems, have consequences and other things.  

I could stay inside all the time, but then we'd all go stir-crazy.  

So I'm grateful that one child is easy-going and doesn't mind attention, but ohh.. how to every day handle these interactions with wisdom and grace and how to help a child that feels threatened by attention in a place where he gets it constantly:)

There are so many blessings of attention, and so many people show us great kindness.  Our kids are growing up in a rich setting and we know we're in the right place.  

I'm sure one day my little man will be more mature and have greater self-control and I will look back at these moments and see that it was just a stage.

So I'm grateful for today's challenges that make us GROW and respond.  Hoping that you find the grace you need for your situations today.  

Thanks for reading!