The second child policy

Hello!  I hope that you are having a good Christmas season!  We are counting down till Christmas!  I love this time of year.  I love the music, anticipation and understanding the meaning of what we celebrate.

Talking about celebrations... the other week we celebrated our little one: he turned three.  He's a joy. He loves to talk, laugh and play with his brothers.  

In November we presented around a dozen and a half Thanksgiving programs.  We had a lot planned for Christmas too.  But this week school is cancelled due to the heavy pollution.  So we will see.  Maybe we will do post Christmas activities:)
A much debated topic at the moment in China is the two child policy. The one child policy was officially lifted almost a year ago. Now families are allowed to have two children.  But not all families want an extra child. Chinese culture often dictates that kids are a "hassle" or "just a future investment."

I was with various families in a national discussion a few weeks ago on the two child policy.  Many families are trying to decide whether they should have another child. We discussed why or why not parents choose to have more than one child.

One Dad was asked whether he would consider having a second child.  He said he didn't want to have an extra child because then they would have to split an inheritance. He said, wouldn't it be better to have $1,00,000 than $500,000? And so he very firmly didn't want to have another child.

One Mom admitted that she was only having a second child because of a lapse in family planning. 
She never really wanted to have a second child.

Some people shared that life is too busy and hard with one child to even consider having any more. Many parents said that they don't have anyone that can help watch their child.  They find they are already in a financial strain paying for endless classes that their only child is enrolled in. In China it's normal for a 7 year old child to have at least four classes on a Saturday (English, dance, piano and math), classes in the week and more on Sunday.  Some families believe that unless their child participates in all of these classes, their child won't be able to excel or get ahead of the pack.

A few people decided to have another child. They wanted their children to grow up with siblings. Most of these families have quite an age gap between kids.  In some ways they avoid sibling rivalry as the older child is more responsible and mature and helps his or her parents with the baby.  Sibling rivalry... sigh.

I got to share a bit about honor, communication and teaching kids at an early age about forgiveness. My Chinese didn't flow 100%.  Although they edited things, I said if kids misbehave we put them "in a cold place." I meant to say we put them in a time out in a solitary place.  My friend had a good laugh when we watched it.  

Participants were asked what do we do when children directly tell parents that they don't want any siblings.  

Whose decision is it to have another baby? Is it the kids, grandparents, or parents?  These questions were discussed and resonated with most people.

It's interesting to be included in this discussion and to recognize that although laws have changed, mentalities and traditions aren't changing as quickly.  The pressure people feel overwhelms them. And they don't always feel capable or want to extend their family.  Yesterday I was at my neighbor's house with my three year old.  She looked at me and said, "Isn't it a lot of pressure to have three boys?  You have to find them wives and buy them each a house." Families take on a lot pressure and sometimes just see things a bit differently.

My heart feels for people that want to extend their family but don't because of culture or pressure.  It's an interesting time as families try to understand whether they want to exercise their limited freedom to have one more child or not.

I hope that you are finding joy in this season and that this weekend is a time of celebration and fun. 

Thanks for stopping by and reading.  And have a Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!