Families - Boarding schools and difficulties

Families are on my heart these days.  

Families in any context and place are important.  Over here they are also important.  And so are the kids that make up those families.  

There are different mindsets about kids here.  In China people often think of children as a nuisance and some opt to send their kids to boarding schools (within the city), or they sigh with relief when the kids turn three and go to school for 10 hour days, five days a week.  Traditionally here parents work while grandparents run after the kids, cook and clean.  Sometimes parents even travel to other cities to find a better job, resulting in rarely seeing their kids.  They don't know how to just relax and enjoy time together or to play with their kids.  

One young girl we know goes to class to learn how to play legos.  

Her mom explained that since her 5.5 year old doesn't have her own legos, the girl doesn't know how to construct structures. So she goes to class to learn.  Really.  The place is packed.  All the time.  

6 year olds start going to local boarding school.  That means they sleep, eat and study at the school Monday - Friday and come back home on the weekends.  I think of my Little Man, who just turned five and how he needs us to reassure, parent, guide and love him.  I think that those needs will never just taper out.  One Mom told me the kids forget about their parents when they are surrounded by so many people their own age to play with.  I don't really believe that.  I'm not sure how my almost three year old will find school.

 I think my little man will take him under his wing:)

I talked to a grannie the other day and she told me that her parents sent her to a boarding school when she was 3 years old.  For three years she was at that school, separated from her parents and cried herself to sleep every night.  I asked her what the other little kids did when she cried and she said when one kid started to cry, they would all cry.  The teacher would let her sleep in the bed with her and she would hug her to sleep.  At 56 years old, she shuddered and said that it was a horrible experience.  She told me that her parents were too busy to take care of her, but she returned when it was time to start elementary school.  I feel privileged that she opened her heart, cried and received love and peace.

One woman the other week said it was too much trouble to take care of her (one) six year old child because she is expected to drop him off at school, pick him up for lunch at home, take him back to school around 2:00 and then pick him up at the end of the day.  This Mom doesn't presently work.  I asked her again if she was really too busy to drop him off and pick him up.  I told her her son needs her and asked her if her son is happy.  She replied, "he's never said that he isn't happy."  Me: "Talk to him.  Think about it.  He needs you."  

Parents tell me that if they go to the boarding school (at 6) they will start to study harder, do better in school, have better opportunities and then succeed in their futures.  The great belief here is that children need to excel in preschool (honestly kids in my little man's preschool class do division and multiplication with charts.  I watch them and don't quite know what to make of it) to do well in kindergarten to then get into a good middle school to get ready for the great TEST that will prove whether or not they can go to a good university.. Parents want their kids to come out on top and succeed. But they think it only boils down to academic performance.

So they send their treasures away for someone else to look after them.  I wonder if those young people will grow up secure. Will they know that they are loved.  Will they know how to be faithful, will they have character, will they truly feel a part of their family and then create and model a healthy family? 


I sat down with a ten year old this week and listened to her pressures, loneliness, anxiety and fears.  She had a tick in her head (that I had never seen in her before) and said that she doesn't know how to make friends.  She lives at a children's home and wonders how to fit in. We talked about lots of things including making friends.  I am waiting for some loom bands to arrive so she can do loom bands with other kids in her class.

I sometimes don't see a lot of difference between kids at this home and the kids sent to a boarding school.  Of course there are differences, but it's like they are being relinquished for the hope of getting ahead in their studies.

There are left behind kids in the country and in the city.  There are definitely some awesome families.  And there are some families that have no idea how to put limits on their kids or how to help them grow in their identity.  But they are hungry to learn.  They want to change.  They don't know how but they know if they don't start to change, things will quickly get worse for their families and kids.  So they are open.  They listen.  They pass what they hear onto others.  If they trust you they cry for help when the threat of divorce is being discussed.  It's not to say everything is immediately better, but hopefully He can start to heal.

Thanks for stopping by and reading.  Just a few thoughts.  Love to you all.